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I Dare…Again

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When I blogged this in November, I was scared, but definitely more confident about success than I am now. This is my journey, and owning it is hard. It’s not going so well, but I can’t keep giving up. That’s no way to live. The only words I have are those already expressed…and I need the reminder. Badly.

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November 6, 2013

I DARE…

So, my last post seemed to be right…there will always be something else. Another hectic month, but I’m back.

I turned 28 recently, and I did something revolutionary (by my standards, anyway). I set 28 goals for the coming year. Seven of those goals are health-related. I was talking to a friend last week, pretty much filling her in on life and stuff, and I mentioned that this health thing is something I want to take seriously, but it is so terrifying. She said the coolest thing: “Dare to live, Lori.”

So, I dare.

I dare to believe I can do this…that my goal of losing 100 pounds in one year is achievable, by God’s grace, and if I make the choices I know are within reach. I mean, an average of basically two pounds a week should not be that hard. One of the things I wanted to do was to make sure I wasn’t setting goals that were unlikely to be achieved. Based on my current weight, success means losing an average of close to 1% of my weight each week. If I can’t do that, I have bigger problems than I thought.

I dare to fight, even when that means learning how to. I’m so good at just accepting whatever comes my way. I’m honest and realistic, but I sometimes use that as a crutch…as if admitting I have a problem means I don’t need to work on it. This won’t be easy. So much bigger than weight loss and numbers, this is about getting my life back.

I dare to be weak, because not facing weakness is a surefire way to have it beat you. For too long, I’ve let weakness overcome me, as if I could handle it myself. If it means asking for help, I’ll do it. If it means learning to be vulnerable, I’ll…I’ll work on that one.

I dare to be strong. I’m physically strong, and as I develop discipline, I’ll become strong in other ways. After two months at the gym when I was with my sister last year, I know I can take the pain. The muscles I came home with proved that. It’s so weird for me to even think this, but I am strong. I can’t keep living as if I was meant to be a victim, a casualty of circumstance.

I dare to accept that failure will come. There is no perfect path. I will mess up, I will fall, I will fail. Pretending otherwise will just make it more likely I’ll give up when it happens. But, here’s the best part: I don’t have to be perfect. I just need to do this, and keep doing it.

I dare to share. I’ve spent so much of life in hiding, even from myself. So, I’m committing to being honest on this journey, whether it’s going great or not…even when it’s not going.

I dare to be excited. I never do that. This is going to be all kinds of new and scary…and ugly. But, it’s different. It’s something other than going from day to day with no aim or destination in mind. Man, I should be excited. 😀

I dare to live.

Weigh-In No. 7

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283 (04/05/13) … 3 pounds.

Good things come to those who hydrate.

My lesson this week: you don’t have to get everything right. Did I work out? No…well, not on purpose. I stayed hydrated, though…and I did better at eating right. Oh, and green juice? Epic stuff.

It’s funny how I’m changing. I usually think I have to get it all right, or it’s a waste of time. Now, I’m learning that good choices count as much as bad ones, and I have to decide which I’ll make. Change isn’t hinged on any one decision, good or bad. Change is an act of grace, and I’m grateful there’s more than enough of that to go around.

Do I want to get back on track with my workouts? Yes, please. In the meantime, though, I can choose healthy food options…not that I always do, but everything counts.

Guess what, guys? We can do this…we will  do this. Let’s take the lessons each day brings us, not just those that come from success, but those from failure as well.