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Weigh-In Nos. 5 and 6

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272.6 (01/05/15)
272.5 (07/06/15)

Last week was crazy, so I didn’t get a chance to blog. By some miracle, I haven’t gained any weight over the past week or so. I haven’t been eating as well as I’d like, but this time, it’s just a matter of eating whatever everyone else is having, as opposed to taking the initiative to buy unhealthy food.

This is real life. I won’t always have time to go to the gym, and I won’t eat perfectly every day, but the important thing is to not turn back. Usually, at this stage, I give up entirely. I believe I’m surprising myself.

One day at a time…

Weigh-In No. 4

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272.5 (25/05/15)
Previous weight: 274

Numbers aside, I’m starting to see a difference in the size of my stomcach. I doubt it’s obvious to others around me, but it’s progress. I’m also trying to go to the gym more often, but I haven’t really been committed. Classes are great and all, and they’re good enough for now, but I haven’t been to the gym for a workout of my own in ages. I can also see where some of my old eating habits are creeping back in. I might write about that soon.

This is very much a journey, and making backward steps can be frustrating, but I have to keep going. I know this works, so it doesn’t make sense to give up. I didn’t even want to do this, but the small changes are becoming a part of me. I’m no longer fighting myself to go to the gym. It’s not aways compatible with my schedule, but it’s almost automatic now.

I could have made it to the gym four times last week, but I went shopping instead. There was a really good sale, and I wanted to get some stuff for my family. Three out of four wasn’t too bad, though. 🙂 I’ll keep that challenege until I complete it.

This week hasn’t been going great so far, and I need to cook, but I honestly can’t be bothered. We’ll see how it goes.

Weigh-In No. 3 (And Challenge Accepted)

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274 (18/05/15)
Previous weight: 277

I didn’t make it to the gym last week, and I didn’t eat perfectly. This just reinforces how important consistency is. I won’t pretend I eat clean all the time, but I try, and that was how I made my 1% goal. Last week was interesting. I had white rice on Thursday, movie theatre nachos and popcorn (my friend and I shared) on Friday, and Chinese food on Saturday. I really thought I had blown it, so I tried to keep up my hydration…just so I could make my goal. I learned two things from that.

1. I have to be on guard so it doesn’t become about the numbers. I know how my body works, especially at this weight. I know how it responds to water and to certain foods. I want to keep losing weight, since it’s a natural part of getting healthier for someone my size, but I don’t want that to be my goal. My weight loss has to be about healthy eating and exercise, not playing some numbers game.

2. Results come through consistency. This works with positive and negative behaviours. Three meals didn’t have the power to undo weeks of basically clean eating. In the same way, if I return to consistently making poor food choices, my weight will increase and I will become more unhealthy.

That said, I doubt I will continue to lose weight at this rate if I don’t work out. Even if I do, I don’t necessarily want a smaller body. I want a healthier body, and that means improving my fitness, strength, and endurance. That means going to the gym I’m paying for each month. I don’t have a choice in whether I pay, and I need to make exercise as steady a part of my routine.

So, this week’s challenge: Go to the gym four times. One down, three to go. I went to a muscle mix class this morning, and then embarrassed myself in Zumba.  I should listen to myself, and not go again (I said so last time).

Image source: spurlingtrainingsystems.com

Weigh-In No. 2

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277 (12/05/15)|
Previous weight: 280

I haven’t been to the gym in nearly a week, mainly because I’ve been super busy, but this past week has shown me even more that eating right goes a long way. I’m pretty sure I would have gained weight if I hadn’t been careful about what I ate. It has also taught me that I don’t need to be perfect. I could have made better choices at times, but I think I did okay overall.

It’s amazing how you crave what you eat. I can now go grocery shopping without being tempted to buy junk. There are still some things I’m having a hard time saying no to (like free pizza), but one day at a time.

I’m beyond tired, but I’m hoping to make it to the gym at least 3 times this week. Some consistency wouldn’t hurt there, I guess. 🙂 We’ll see!

Weigh-In No. 1 (Again)

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I think my arms might be too dead to type this. I just had my butt kicked by a lady old enough to be my mother. That class wiped me out, but I’m glad I pushed past my unwillingness, and didn’t skip the gym. So…

Although I will not be numbers-driven, there is no discounting the reality that frequent weigh-ins are a good indicator of progress. I will weigh in once a week. My ‘plan’ is to lose 1% of my weight each week. That might not always be the case, and that’s fine, but I think it is a healthy and modest rate.

As I mentioned in an earlier post, my last recorded weight was 283. I think I had lost some by that point, so it is safe to assume I was somewhere close to my heaviest recorded weight (291) before then. Anyway…

280 (04/05/15)

So, that’s 1% down. I’m not as happy about the number as I am about the fact that I’ve been making better choices, and exercising more control over what I eat. I’ve even been going to the gym more than once a week. 🙂

Perhaps my biggest lesson so far has been that consistency is more important than perfection. I will mess up, I will eat what I shouldn’t, and there will be days when I just can’t be bothered, but that doesn’t mean I should quit. I’m in this for my health, for my life. Giving up is no longer an option.

Image source: greatmindsthinkfit.com

What If I Don’t Want To Lose Weight?

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Two things hit me last week: I started this blog almost 2 years ago, and I’m currently the same weight I was the first week I recorded weight loss here–283 pounds.

It’s almost as if nothing has changed in the 8 months since my last post, but so much has. I’ve moved away from home, slight changes to my routine and eating habits caused me to lose a bit of weight since (hence the 283), and I could go on, but there’s one thing that has really hit me: I don’t want to lose weight.

Do I need to lose weight? Definitely. Do I see the health risks, imminent and otherwise? For sure. Am I lazy and unmotivated? No. I do want to be healthy, fit, strong, able to walk to my third-floor room without getting out of breath, and those other boring, everyday things most people at a healthy weight don’t have to worry about. But, I can’t honestly say I hold weight loss as a goal, or have a desire to be smaller. My body isn’t a prison. I’m not dying to wear smaller clothes, be attractive, go on amusement park rides, or any of those other things you come across in these before-and-after stories. Being smaller does not appeal to me, and I think the idea of such a drastic change scares me more than I usually care to admit.

I’m not afraid of working out, and I know I’m strong, with the potential to be even stronger. Fitness appeals to me, even though I still hate cardio. I’ve joined the gym yet again, but I still haven’t voluntarily gone for a workout–been almost a month since I signed up. I think I can’t get past the idea that, in order to get the things I want, it’ll mean the one thing I don’t want: weight loss.

Maybe I’m worried people will look at me, and assume I want to lose weight. Maybe I’m afraid to fail, or concerned that people will wonder why someone my size isn’t working with a trainer. Maybe those things don’t even matter to me, and I’m just trying to legitimise my folly. Whatever the case, I need to make peace with the part of me that is content to hide behind fat. If there were a way to achieve my fitness goals, and somehow not get smaller, I’d be in. But, there isn’t…so, maybe I should just shut up and go to the gym. Or, maybe I should acknowledge that I’m stronger than I think, because I haven’t given in to the idea that being fat deems me worthless; neither am I in the camp of those who think loving oneself means not needing to change. (Don’t think I’ve ever used the word ‘maybe’ so many times in a single paragraph before.)

This is who I am, who I’ve been for as long as I can remember. Maybe I can’t picture myself smaller, because I’ve never had to. I know losing weight doesn’t have to mean losing who I am, because I am more than my size, but that knowledge isn’t helping. Fat may be all I’ve known, but it doesn’t get to be who I am. Not now, when I’m finally in a position to embrace change, even if I don’t want to.

I honestly wish I could say changing my lifestyle is going to be the hardest part of this journey. I’ve been down this road enough times to know what works for me. I just need to follow through, and not let fear hold me back. Honestly, I think my greatest fear is that this just might work, that I might actually stick to something. Guess we’ll see.

I

Image source: dietmdhawaii.com

Weigh-In No More

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Scale_Broken

So, my epic scale? Broken…yay, little people at my house. One of the wires went bye-bye. Awesome stuff.

Anyway, I got over it rather quickly. I have another scale, but it’s not as cute…and I don’t trust it for weights as great as mine. I’ll start using it again in a couple months, I reckon.

Until then, what I really need to do is get serious about my workouts again. Sure, I get some exercise in here and there, but I’ve lost that discipline and structure I had for a bit recently. I doubt I’ll stop being busy anywhere in the near future, so I can’t keep putting this off for a tomorrow that may never come.

Did I mention my trusty workout sneakers also went bye-bye? Fun stuff, man. As soon as I get that sorted out, I’ll have better news for you guys. In the meantime, though, I’m getting more dancing done, so that has to count for something. Plus, it’s fun…:D

This isn’t easy, though…and I’m not talking about working out. It’s just so bloody difficult to do something just for me. Still not giving up. One day, I’ll look back on these posts, and I’ll smile because I actually fought for something.

For today, though, I need to go organise my schedule for the coming week…less likely anything will take me by surprise. 30 minutes of workout time shouldn’t be so hard to come by.

Happy Weekend, lovely people.

Blessings.

Weigh-In No. 12…and 13…and 14…

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Yes, I’m alive. 😀

286 (08/08/13)

287 (15/06/13)

287 (22/06/13)

 

fitness, motivation, workout

 

So, the past few weeks? Pretty crazy…I haven’t been working out. I feel as if I’ve been so busy, yet I can’t exactly see what I’ve accomplished. This is what I do, though…I start something, and then I stop…but, I’m not stopping for good this time. Is change super hard? Yes!

Like, this is so much bigger than a clothing size or a number on the scale. This is the question of whether I’ll ever learn to fight…and keep fighting to be who I was made to be. (No, I don’t mean skinny. Ugh…) I almost wish losing weight was the hardest thing I have to do. I’ve done it before, and it’s not that hard for me, especially when I don’t have to do it on purpose. I think it’s the deliberate parts of this that scare me.

Anyway, I’ll blog more over the next few days, since things seem to be settling down. Now, to go catch up on what has been happening in the lives of the lovely and inspirational people whose blogs I follow. 😀

 

Weigh-In No. 11

4 Comments

285 (01/06/13)

A bit late to be posting this…oops. So, another pound down…like, if I plot a graph of my weigh-ins, it’d be kinda cute…all those ups and downs. Good thing I’m not hooked on numbers.

Ya, so I have way too much to do this week (my fault), and I tend to let working out and stuff slide when I’m swamped. Let’s hope that doesn’t happen this trip.

So, hiiiiiiii, y’all! All the best for the rest of the week!

weight loss 3 500x580 Motivate Me Monday: Weight Loss is Like Driving: Free Printable!

 

Image source: simplyrealmoms.com (It’s even printable! Teehee.)

 

Weigh-In No. 10

2 Comments

286 (25/05/13)

I think I like weighing in…I mean, those numbers fluctuate like crazy, but I think that’s part of my journey and maybe the picture wouldn’t be complete without it.

On Day 8 of that BeFit thing. Wootsies! It’s…not easy, but it’s not impossible either. I’m actually sticking to something! I’m so good at owning the negative side of who I am that I often forget to look for the positives. I have so much growth to do…just as a person, and trying to process everything at once is so not going to work, but this is a mega leap. 😀

I’d like to thank God…seriously, I would. Thanks also to my sister, who told me about the workout programme and encouraged me to do it. Of course, I have to thank Keri (check out her blog!). She started the programme after she saw that I had mentioned it…and she started it before me. Quite the heads-up. 

One more day down…:)

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